I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
