We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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