Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize