i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize