you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
