drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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