Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
