yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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