mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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