She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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