We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The ass gains better be worth it
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
