Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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