if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If I had your ass I would rule the world
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
