I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think I won the penis lottery.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
