Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
sarcasm needs its own font
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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