I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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