It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You took a bar mat shot.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
