do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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