Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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