she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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