I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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