All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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