sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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