I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
