My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
