the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
