when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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