May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
