Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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