Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
