I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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