How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize