Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize