If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Found the puke drawer
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
