In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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