dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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