I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
