I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
