wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
