It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
