I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
