...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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