He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
