I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
