why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
