Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
His nipple licking is glorious
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