you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
