just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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