Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
