my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
