Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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