I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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