Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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