It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
