brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Jerry, you need to find god
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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