I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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