so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
love makes seman taste better
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
