"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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