His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
