the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
