you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
