then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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