There was a lot of him and a little penis
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
