I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
