I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
