I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
