can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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